Self-Destruction

I am not sure what to say. Apparently according to David Hutchens I am overdue for a blog post but I struggle for words, everything is jumbled together, this post will be anything but fun for the reader. Feelings that I thought I had overcome are surfacing, I guess I just buried them and never actually dealt with them. I think a lot of the hurt that I feel is solely caused by my own doing, whether if it is by actions or choices I have made or just simply thoughts that have come into my mind.

A few years ago, back in high school, I determined that everyday I wanted to bring glory to God in everything that I did in every area of life. Somewhere along the way I failed, time and time again, I guess it is to be expected. Sometimes I feel as though I am climbing out of a pit and as long as I was doing what I was suppose to do, seeking God, I was making steps out of the pit. Now I feel as if I am just wallowing in my own self-pity.

Lately, self-destruction has become a bigger issue. I hit a point in life, pretty much whenever I stopped helping out at the Edge when I self-destructed. I don’t know why. It seems as though whenever I am almost on my feet, almost standing strong, the rug is ripped out from under me. Very few of my friends understand, very few of them seem to care, in fact I dare say those that I thought were closest are turning out to be absolutely unhelpful and those that I thought were not very close are more help then I ever thought. But sometimes I feel as though I am on the verge of self-destruction...at least lately. I need to refocus, step back, evaluate, look to God...I was making progress, but I just don’t know anymore...